#TWBvol12 ; i ghost people i care about because i’m scared they’ll leave first

aka how i mastered the art of pre-abandonment

you ever feel like... you care too much, too fast? and suddenly you catch yourself pulling away not because you want to, but because you’re already playing out the scene where they leave you behind? so instead of waiting for that pain, you speedrun the heartbreak—by disappearing first.

it's not even that you want to lose them. god, no. you want them to stay. but there's this voice in your head that goes, "nah, they'll get tired of you eventually." so you retreat. reply slower. stop asking how their day went. turn down hangouts with half-hearted excuses. and when they finally give up and leave? you cry like you didn’t ask for it.

you convince yourself it's self-preservation. that you're just realistic. but deep down it’s fear. fear of being left like you have before. fear of being too much. or not enough. or both. it’s easier to be the one who ghosts than to be the one who’s ghosted.

and what’s worse is—you do it to the good ones. the ones who actually stayed. the ones who didn’t give you a reason to be scared. they just showed up, consistently. and you still vanished.

the irony? you miss them before they’re even gone.

and when they're really gone, you're haunted by the version of yourself that couldn't believe you were worth staying for.

so yeah, maybe sometimes we don't lose people.

maybe we just push them out the door and then stare at the doorknob wondering why it turned.