some people peak in academics, some shine in social settings. me? i’m stuck somewhere in between, sipping emotional intelligence like it’s an iced coffee on a stormy day—smooth, comforting, but a little bitter if you drink too much. i’m the type who overthinks a smile, memorizes a side glance, and still forgets what page the homework was on.
i’m academically average—like, painfully average. not dumb, but not someone they’d call a “bright student” either. my grades hover like background noise, enough to survive but never loud enough to impress. my brain clocks out at the weirdest times. math? blank. group projects? mentally hiding in the nearest bathroom. i try, seriously, but the numbers just dance around my head like they’re at a party i wasn’t invited to.
emotionally though? i’m all in. hyper-aware. i can feel a shift in the air when someone’s upset even if they say “i’m fine” with a forced smile. i clock that. i notice the little voice cracks, the pause before someone says “nah, it’s nothing.” i absorb people’s feelings like a sponge, which sounds poetic until it turns into emotional burnout from picking up everyone's leftover mess. but i get people. i really do. i just… don’t know what to do with that understanding half the time.
and socially? yeah, let’s not even go there. i’m that friend who zones out mid-convo because my brain’s overanalyzing the tone you just used. i practice what i’m gonna say before joining a group chat irl, then panic and say “nevermind” when the timing’s off. i replay convos from 3 years ago like a cringe podcast i can’t unsubscribe from. i wanna be seen, but not too seen. i wanna hide, but also feel a lil’ missed. make it make sense.
i’ve mastered the art of blending in just enough to not be weird, but still feeling like an NPC in social situations. i know how to listen, how to nod, how to laugh when someone makes a joke i don’t understand. but ask me to join a group for fun? instant ✨panic✨.
but here’s the thing—i’m learning to be okay with it. to hold space for the parts of me that aren’t shiny or loud or impressive. to be soft, even when it feels like a weakness. being emotionally smart in a socially chaotic world is exhausting, but also weirdly magical. it means i care deeply. it means i feel things most people brush off. and maybe that doesn’t get me awards or popularity points, but it makes me me.
so if you’re like me—mid at school, good with hearts, and confused in crowds—this one’s for you. we might not be the main character in every room, but we are the ones who feel the most when no one’s looking. and that’s its own kind of powerful.
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